Justin Bieber has a Biography – Life is Slipping Away

Today I took a nice stroll into W H Smith whilst some flowers were being made for my mom. My girlfriend and I were looking at the kids books (as we are like that) and finding a book called ‘Selfish Pigs by Andy Riley’ hilarious and definitely on a par with’ Bunny Suicides.’

Soon, the smiles stopped and a rant was born. I quick glance and I looked upon the smug face of the ball of sick that is Justin ‘I am a prepubescent dick’ Bieber on closer inspection it turned out to be a biography of the boob in question. I thought to myself what the hell would you write in a biography of a person who is about 10, “I was born, I threw up, I pooedlf and then for some miraculous reason everyone loved me” strung out for 300 FU**ING PAGES! Bi0graphys should be reserved for people who are: A. old enough to write them and B. have a decent story to tell. The kind of people I consider appropriate to biography is Stephen Fry, Stephen Hawking, Jonathan Ive etc people who actually have a story to tell.

The world is going mad! I swear it literally!

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Women and Cameras

Now, you may be thinking when you read the title that this would be somewhat dirty but alas you are mistaken. This is a classic Ross rant initiated from last night’s events and my annoyance and blindness caused by it.

Cameras are used for various things, taking pictures of events, places and general stuff like a dog attached to a bike looking a bit depressed.

Men purchase cameras to largely behold them and take pictures of places predominately and the occasional picture of people when your wife/gf demands that you need some record of where you have been with you in it. You therefore look depressed in all images and therefore they all get moved to the trash can (Result!)

Women seem to purchase cameras to exclusely take pictures of themselves in vein poses in various places. You only have to flick to Facebook and you can see it time and time again. This is fine (well it’s really stupid) but what is not fine is what happened last night at the cinema.

We went to see Toy Story 3 again and what a beautiful film it is, charming, funny, scary and sad all in one. Pixar and more importantly John Lasseter is truly a master of great cinema. However, my girlfriend and I were blinded at the start by a bunch of three women/girls taking a picture of them wearing the glasses at the start of the film which truly pissed the hell of me. Why the hell is such an image needed at any point ever, it probably went with a tag line “ha ha, we look like buddy holly and like blinding people behind us before they want a great film” boobs.

Women and cameras, a bad mix!

P.S. Yes this post is contrived, If you are offended by the post. I’m happy.

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R.I.P Cadbury

So this morning after months of ranging. Cadbury, one of Britain’s last great businesses that had a strong profit through the recession is to be sold. To the money grabbing, un-ethical Kraft (have you also seen the bollocks they make in America.)

So what will the Warren Buffett bum chum gang actually offer for this, well apparently 11.5 billion. Of which 7.0 billion of this is borrowed, that is un-trustworthy at the best of times especially as it will be Cadbury’s job to pay that money back. All the jobs in the UK are likely to go which I am most sore about as the Warren Buffett bum chum gang really do demand results even when Cadbury works just fine as it is.

Now I would like to take a second to really hurt the Cadbury board and any shareholders who actually agree this, this is still derisory. NOB OFF KRAFT.

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Look Gordon

Right we know you have been waiting for this job for ages and to be brutally honest you were left up shit creek without a paddle thanks to Mr. Blair, he left before all these revelations and challenges came out. But you failed to offer us an election when you were voted into power and therefore you premiership is somewhat lacking the clout of the people behind you. The actions you have taken, have brought the country down to its lowest standing in Europe. We all know that were the so called ‘shining’ light in the wake of the credit crunch, a credit crunch that you as chancellor could of easily quashed at least in the UK, but reigning in the banks and not deregulating them that you did.

We also know that Mrs. Harmon (or ms. to keep her happy)  has your back and the official party line seems to be that the expenses row is the only thing that made your party do badly. No that is only a small percentage, what really effected your vote in the sloth like nature of the Labour government after 12 years of slow decline. Everybody wants an election, it is just the selfish nature of the Labour politicians who seem to think it is right to hold out for as long as powerful and damage the country further.

Gordon, please go.

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Reasons to get a Knighthood

The new year Honours list shows who is going to be awarded the various titles that the UK gives to people from within the commonwealth such as an MBE or even a Knighthood. Usually it goes to scientists, charity fundraisers or war heroes and to all of those I have very little problem with. It is mainly the ones that are given to sports men and women and in particular footballers who are still in the prime of their career.

So when I read the list in the morning paper I saw some names which I thought very much needed recognition such as the author Terry Pratchett being knighted which I thought was very appropriate due to his work with alzheimer’s. Lewis Hamilton getting an MBE for his services to motorsport which again I think is very appropriate as he brought much higher viewing figures into the sport and more money into it. As well as a few other Olympic sports people getting MBE and CBE which all are deserving of this as they are not retired and still very much in the sport.

Then theres Chris Hoy the cyclist, now I am under no illusion at his grandure winning three gold medals in the summer Olypics and generally pulling ‘Team GB’ together. But when I read that he was to be knighted I was confused, he is currently in the middle of his career and has only just started to bring interest to the sport to the sport. He should of be graced with an MBE or CBE first before the knighthood which should come after active service.

Another disappointment was the fact that Bruce Forsyth has been awarded a CBE instead of the Knighthood which everyone I am sure wanted him to receive.

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This Government has Gone Mad

The UK Government seems to have it in their head, that taxing people who earn over £150,000 45% of their earnings will somehow help. This government has always had a nack of dulling down success, these people worked hard in various successful businesses that contribute to the country; in one fell swoop they wish to take away half of these peoples incomes. We already get taxed 40% if you earn over £39,825 so what actual effect would 45% do other than forcing more people to leave the country because it is simply not economical.

This is only a short rant, but I hope it is kind of effective.

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Is it Just Me or are Banks Impossible

Halifax Howard

Banks. The great economies are driven by these creatures of capitalism, when they get into trouble everything in life seems to get worse with words such as ‘reccession’ thrown about liberally.

This piece is not about how banks trade money to each other as that has been plentifully covered in the media, who by their own doing has thrown everyone into a state of panic. I am talking about how impossible it is when you phone up the bank to request something.

For example I had phoned by my bank; Halifax (a leading financial institution as the BBC would call it) to request a PIN reminder because my brain seems to of randomly thrown that information out the window and replaced it with A level learning.

I dialed the number, and was thrown into a world of dodging the unfathomable computer putting me through. You know where you have to dial 1, 3 blah blah to get through the options to get to a human who you hope will have the basic intelligence to provide you with an adequate service. Even when you have mastered the system you end up having to provide to a robot your identity and then you are put through several minutes of excruciating lift music. They could just put some classical music in the background, but instead they choose something which can only be seen as J Pop played by a talentless ant (random analogy I know.)

Then you get to the person on the other end, you immediately feel their pain of having to spend all day on the phone to disgruntled customers and being so de-motivated they could just die from sheer boredom. They then proceed to interrogate you before they will answer your query, such as ” what was your last payment?”. What was your last payment? I have no bloody idea it’s on your screen you tell me. Whats worse is if they phone you up and you are expected to know such information off the top of your head.

You eventually receive what you want but sometimes you could just give up. Hardly what I call service from a bank represented by Howard, the great.

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Another Spam Email

This is a fantastically rubbish spam email that I just recieved, please read below.

Dear Sir/Madam,

My name is Sgt Alex Green I am an British soldier (Wait a minute, you said you were a Sgt?), I am from Warrington, of
2nd Battalion , The Duke of Lancaster Regiment in United Kingdom (so you are based in Cyprus, ok?). I am
presently in Iraq for the mean time.

I apologized using this medium to reach you for a transaction/business of
this magnitude. We have in our possession the sum of US$25,000,000.00
(Twenty Five Million US Dollars), which belongs to Saddam Hussein (a likely story). These
funds have been moved and kept safe in a Security Company, Basically since
we are working for the British Government, we cannot keep these funds, but
we want to transfer and move the funds to you (why me, I am nothing compared to you, so called ‘army’ boy), so that you can keep it for
us in your safe account or an offshore account.

I have the authority of my partners involved to propose that should you be
willing to assist us in this transaction, your share of the sum will be 30%
of the US$25 million, 60% for us and 10% will be kept aside for expenses
and
rest assure that this business is 100% safe on your part provided you treat
it with utmost secrecy and confidentiality (oooopsss).

Therefore, if you are interested, please reply immediately via my private
email address:(alexgreen75200008@yahoo.com.hk (WTF? you have a Yahoo acount in Hong Kong, sooo lets get this straight your from England, your based in Cyprus, yet your in Iraq atm, but you have an address from Hong Kong. Are you retarded?)) With your Full Name, Current
Mailing Address and your confidential Telephone and Fax numbers for easy
communication.

Upon your response, I shall then provide you with more details that will
help you understand the transaction. Please observe utmost confidentiality,
and be rest assured that this business is risk free.

Best Regards

Sgt Alex Green
Basra Iraq (bare in mind GB left Basra last year….)
Email:alexgreen75200008@yahoo.com.hk

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Oh no the NUT’s are Striking

24 April 2008 the day of the NUT. Yes to most people I will be talking absolute garbage (something about NUT’s you say)  and to some I am talking about a serious moment in the UK education environment. As NUT are striking for the first time in 20 years and that is all because of the only thing that drives people – money, money, money, money (spoken like the guy in the Incredibles who clears up the mess.)

Like everyone else is in the same boat, but the main problem is can the government really afford to pay teachers what the require. With every public service stretched and the bloody waste of money 2012 Olympic Games in London. Yes, that is right, you will only get your pay rise if you go back in time and stop the bloody waste of money even being considered.

This post really has no relevance but it affected me so I might as well write a badly written post about it – see what you did to me you heartless English teachers – destroying my education (I do not take English at A level – so no need to squabble.)

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